Lunch brake jokes

[Beja]

Job interview for a new immigrant:

Please go to that table and fill-in this form
ok sir!

Name: ------ John Johns
Sex: ------------ Very good
Date of Birth: ----------- I am a man
Who's the first president of the United States: ------- George Washington Bridge
What do you do if you wanted to exit from a highway: ----------- I use the steering wheel
--------------

A guy wanted to talk to a girl sitting next to him in a train, but his English is so poor he didn't know how to start..
after traveling half the way, he collected all his courage and said to her:
- Squeeze me!
-What?
oh.. do you speak English?
- I am from England!
- Sorry, I mean.. do you speak English?
------------

Enjoy and happy weekend!

 

[Cableguy]

Why snakes never bite lawyers?
Professional courtesy!

 

[udg]

This one really happened to a person I know.
Beginners' Class for PC users. Summer time, very hot day.
The teacher: "..And now, to exit the progam let's close the window".
Someone stood up, walked to the class window and securely closed it!

-----

Two police officers halt a car for a routine control.
Officer1 to Officer2: "ok, let's check the turn signal. does it work?"
Officers2: "Now yes, now no, now yes, now no...."

(I hope this one never happened!)

 

[Cableguy]

A family gets stopped at a routine traffic op.
-the police: congrats, you are our 1000th conductor. We are proud to offer you a 1000$ check.
-the guy: great, now I can finally get my driving licence
-the wife: pay no attention officer, my husband always talks rubbish when he's drunk!

 

[Beja]

- The referee gave him a yellow card

- No I was there yesterday.. he didn't give it to him, he just showed it to him.

 

[ilan]

 

[udg]

An illustration of a cow on her way as cows get priority over motorized traffic in Voorst, The Netherlands, 12 July 2011. The cow-crossing, the first of a series in the Netherlands, must let cows enable to go from the green field to the milking machine in their stable. (Ansa/EPA/KOEN SUYK)

Nice to see that there's at least somebody who knows exactly where it's going to..

 

[sorex]

the sign even says "Watch out! There might be another cow coming"