Joking around the lockdown

[udg]

To downplay a bit these looong days of lockdown why not collect a few jokes?

1. Anyone knows if we can have a shower now or we're just allowed to keep washing our hands?
2. My washing machine now accepts only tracksuits and pajamas; I tried with some jeans and it yelled back to me "stay home"
3. Boring to stay home? Not at all. But why a rice package has 2789 grains while another one counts 2811?
4. In front of the supermarket. "Are you in line?". "No, we are here to do the conga. Ten minutes and we leave"
5. Don't blame yourself if you're thinking about divorce. Your wedding promise considered health and illness..nothing about pandemic
6. In Middle Ages when an epidemic was over they celebrated with orgies and liquors.. Do you know if someone is getting ready in some way? Just asking for a friend..
7. In Italy. Today the overall number of experts exceeded that of the infected
8. "Mom, which will be your first action when the quarantine will be over?". "I will leave you with your grandparents. For six months"
9. A lover: "Hurry up, my husband just went out". "There's the lockdown, where the hell he went to?"
10. Ancients to get rid of pandemics used to sacrifice their rulers...Habits. An idea like any other...

 

[JordiCP]

7. In Italy. Today the overall number of experts exceeded that of the infected

Here in Spain this role is often assigned to "el cuñao", a friendly way to refer to the classical brother-in-law that all families have, who of course is the most expert in everything and just talks and talks about how things are and should be (fortunately not all of them are like this)?

 

[josejad]

fortunately not all of them are like this

Obviously, you're afraid your wife read what you almost write about her beloved brother :-D

BTW, funny how the memes are translated an repeated over the world.

 

[udg]

At least he should cost you nothing. In Italy the government hired about 450 experts as of today (and somewhere they reported a cost of 800 euros each a day)

BTW, funny how the memes are translated an repeated over the world.

There are funny memes based on pictures, but I felt like to not waste server space for them.
Please, add as many as you find around so to make this thread a refreshing point to divert any sullen thoughts

 

[rabbitBUSH]

Stepped on my bathroom scale this morning and it said : Please use social distancing, one person at a time.....