Need your opinion

I realy need your opinion ...this is my first voiceover sincronisation ...but the customer must be 100% satisfied

I have received a voice over and some text and here what it came out after 6 hours of work (next time maybe I will do it faster )
Can I deliver my work or not ???? thank you

I have edited the sound that customer said it was profesional ..here is the original
https://www.dropbox.com/s/stj3qxacqenzje6/original_soundfile.wav?dl=0
here is my sound that it can be heard on the media as well ...without si, s t, ti ....noise ..
https://www.dropbox.com/s/towktgu787uzt7y/my adaption sound.mp3?dl=0


fixed : Sound volume
modified: pitch

1- timing is perfect.. very good and well synchronized with the animation.
2- voice is near mono-tone, while it should be varied with action
3- Too low pitch
4- Low volume

I would study voice-over techniques, because there are some rules one just can't jump over. Remember these days almost 90% of any business is about formalities.

my 2 cents

Thanks Beja,
I do learn from your opinion...thanks that I will repair the volume until I will deliver my job to customer
the others issues I must study a bit before makeing any modifications

I like it as it is now!