finding real people who share you interests?

[andymc]

I find it very hard to speak to anyone offline about my interests, which are virtual reality, sci fi, games, programming, technology and space. I start talking about something like phones or sci fi but very quickly find they don't have any real knowledge of things like I do so the conversation dies and I get bored very quickly.

The biggest problem is with my wife, she's not interested in anything that I am, and I'm not interested in anything she is (gardening, crafts). She'll say I'm being very quiet and not very chatty, but the honest truth is, I can't talk to her about anything I'm interested in as she's not interested or knowledgeable. So she says I'm boring, but I think she's boring too. This problem has also caused me to lose contact with many real life friends, as we just don't share enough interests.

What do you guys do to stay sociable without being fake? And how can I find people in real life who are as enthusiastic about the same things I am?

 

[hookshy]

Do not wory you are not the only one
As for my wife ...I was so upset that he is wasting time playing all games by king ...and one time she made a picture of a game state that represented a bug she found ... She never tested once one of my app .
when I show her some detail to get an opinion he say ... o h I can not concentrate ..I am busy ... she looks for one second and then on the next one she is totaly gone
Marriage !

 

[hookshy]

Problem is that wifes are not willing to listen to you in a subject that took her husband away from their interests.... She is not willing to help you because she already lost something when you became a programer...

Are your wifes asking you ... You did not hear what I said ? When are you willing to spend more time with me ? .. When will you care more about your son ? I want you to ask me out more often ! .. you did not take care of the house ... I do all of the job here ... at lease you could do this for me
When you speaked to me last time ? ... look in to my eyes
You do something for them and the next day you on the single loose of eye contact ...she forgot everything you have done for her ...

 

[udg]

Hi Andy,

what about contacting associations or interst groups in your area which cover same interests as yours?
Generally, they organize meetings so you'll have the opportunity to talk with other members who share your own specific interests and are knowlegleable enough to be of any satisfaction.

At least, that will let you feel less alone.

udg

 

[thedesolatesoul]

Its a real problem.
Because it is almost impossible to find someone with the same depth of knowledge, level of interest and opinions as you have. The only way is to find people online, then then get closer to them. But dont get too close, because if it is a subject you are passionate about and you dont agree with their theories it is easy to distance yourself.
Dont be fake, just either dont get involved in a discussion which you dont like, or try to empathize and just listen.

 

[andymc]

she already lost something when you became a programer...

I was much more into computers before she met me, I've told her than I used to spend 20 hours a weekend playing warcraft, now I never play games at home, just five or ten minutes on my train to work. Our PC at home sits gathering dust while I dream of upgrading it, buying and oculus rift, but then don't bother because she would never let me spend anytime on it anyway. Preferring that I spend all my time doing housework or helping her with gardening (which is her hobby not mine). I spend all my time outside of work with her and my son and don't do anything for myself, but she still says I'm selfish, I'm just totally lost at what to do now.

 

[thedesolatesoul]

I spend all my time outside of work with her and my son and don't do anything for myself, but she still says I'm selfish, I'm just totally lost at what to do now.

You need to allocate and manage time, sit down and talk to her otherwise this will blow up. Both of you need your personal space and time. Make her understand.

 

[Douglas Farias]

jaja i m in this case too, i m learning alone, i stay on computer all time, all my friends, my womman, my mother and father think im a nerd noob ¬¬.
My wife likes physical services.
maybe they look like a bum to stay on the computer all the time.

I feel good learning, I'm behind you of what I want, then when you feel happy some money and show everyone that even getting on a computer can use the intelligence to make some money, and in the end it is usual for a time.

I reserve time for me, even all not like I did not give up.
and really I'm not social, I can not pretend to be.
Dont be fake man

 

[KitCarlson]

Opposites often attract. I am interested in building cars, mechanical fabrication, electronics and programming. My wife is interested in fiber arts, things like spinning yarn from sheep she raises, weaving and sewing. We help each other when we can. I build or modify equipment she needs, she helps with car interiors. She even helps me program at times, because weaving is a binary thing, she has insight on state machines used in my engine management systems. If she gives me a couple seconds of her time, she can tell me what to do, to solve a complex problem.

It is about sharing, when you can, it is special. The trick is to learn the opportunities.

 

[Beja]

A trick, but keep it between us..
Prepare some money.. give it t her and immediately go to the computer.. do this on regular basis every day.. then
one day just watch TV in the living room, and I am sure someone will remind you to finish your App

ladies, sorry I am just joking!

 

[LucaMs]

It is clear that those who share your interests speak more pleasantly with you.
However, having a friend who has interests different from yours you will learn new things.

The type of argument of which we speak, for passion, not boring people, unless we talk too much about the same things.


The wives:

A famous Italian actor Alberto Sordi, said:

"I get married? I do not want to put a stranger in my house"

 

[sorex]

"As for my wife ...I was so upset that he is wasting time playing all games by king"

so you are the man in your male male marriage?

I'm not married but I also suffer the interest problem. I grew up in the late 70s early 80s so I got hooked to computers since I was a 7 or 8 year old which was quite rare back then.

While I'm still having a big interest in retro arcade (I have my own cabinet ofcourse) and 8 bit machines especially the C64 I find it hard to find other people in Belgium who are still interested in it the way I am.

I hacked my way around in assembler on the c64, PC etc but when I find a possible retro nerd all they did was playing games so the knowledge difference is there again so the talk is like being kept on the surface.

Ofcourse there are other ways to get in touch (email, IRC, yukky facebook) with foreign people but it would be nice to have a real chat in a pub or something once in a while.

The same goes for B4A actually, besides the 2 belgian chat visitors I don't really know much people who are aware of it or use it.

 

[tufanv]

You have to listen to her and try to share her interests. This you both will be hapier.

 

[andymc]

You have to listen to her and try to share her interests. This you both will be hapier.

And should I also expect her to listen to me and share my interests? Or is it always this one sided for people as I'm finding it?

 

[KitCarlson]

Try taking time to work with her in the garden. Do your best to follow her techniques, and be pleasnt. Perceive what she likes, be supportive and caring. Give it time, you may find you like the garden, and she might reciprocate later in your interests. I find there is the great need for balance, nature and computers. I am a foul weather programmer, otherwise I play in nature all I can, in beautiful weather.

 

[hookshy]

I'm just totally lost at what to do now

Here is a step by step instruction to make her feel good again and put you back into programing bussines!

....my wife tells me she is unhappy and that her emotional tank is empty
...I decide to take actions


Step 1... Fill in a small table with her five interests that will fill her emotional tank
Step 2 ... Both of you must write there what you want or expect from your partner , what should fill your emotional tank ?
Step 3... You put this in a safe place no one can read it

Step 4... Take 4 days of you life and spend time with her ...in all this time please do not :
DO NOT !
a)open pc
b)go out with your friends
c)go so swiming poll
..
..
g) others thing you like

You should talk to her, look into her eys ,listen to her ,ask her things, let her talk, respond to her questions, help her , do her favorite jokes, take her out , play with you kid , do gardening , do housekeeping , do love ......but gentle
Do not answer to questions like ? OH dear what happens to you ? ...You are being yourself !


Step 4 or day 4 .. You open your wishes and read it in separate corner
Step 5 ... You will have now a better wife and you will get back things you like most ... !!!


How did this helped me ?
After step5 ..my wife asked me if she could delete something she said as she became aware that in these 4 days she got everything but she could not offer as much and in fact ...she loves you !

 

[ilan]

the problem with women is that we guys think they are like us only with long hair and boobs but the thing is that they are 180° different.

they look at everything with another view (more emotional)
they can remember a sentence you said 5 years ago, i dont remember what i eat yesterday but they remember everything and they will always let you remember it too.

their interests are normally the opposite from yours but its like that, and you should not fight against it.

the recipe for a good marriage is respect and compromise.

i think you should spend your time with her on her hobbies (what you are allready do) and she should spend WITH YOU for yours,
like this everybody get a piece from the cake

its also important to have some time for yourself and she should respect that.
take a deep breath, and enjoy the life

and dont forget, the most importent thing women like: "ompliments", make some (they are for free)

And should I also expect her to listen to me and share my interests? Or is it always this one sided for people as I'm finding it?

course you should expect her to listen to you you are not her slave !!

 

[LucaMs]

I thought the topic was more general, not referring only to the wives.

Have you noticed this problem during the first months/years of engagement/marriage? I think not.

Why is that? Why the passion hides any problem. So lack passion.

How to rediscover the passion? Changing wife.



Sorry but I could not resist.

 

[ilan]

How to rediscover the passion? Changing wife.

Q: I have a flat tire, what should I do Dr. LucaMs?
A: Chang your car

Sorry but I could not resist

 

[LucaMs]

If you have a flat tire not; but if you bought the wrong used car with many flaws, try to sell it to some cloven and buy a new one.