Single developers over 40 years old

Why you are not married until now?

  • Coding & development barrier

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Coding is my life partner :)

    Votes: 2 15.4%

  • Financial barrier

    Votes: 2 15.4%

  • Emotional barrier

    Votes: 4 30.8%

  • Not thinking about it completely

    Votes: 5 38.5%
  • Total voters
    13
H

Hamied Abou Hulaikah

Well-Known Member
Licensed User
Longtime User
For who are single & not married ever, Why you are not married until now?
Married developers can discuss, not vote.
My friend is 40+ years old B4X developer who is not married yet? he told me coding taking his entire time, is coding addictive to this degree!
 
You ask this like it's a bad thing. What's up? Jealous? ?
 
I'm 58 years young. Married until 4 years ago. If B4X existed 40 years ago I probably never would have married. Anyway, people are allowed to make their own choices. Marry or not, it's up to them.

p.s. yes, maybe coding is addictive but in a very good way.
 
Hamied Abou Hulaikah said:
You are likely seeking peace of mind and freedom.
Click to expand...
I just edited my reply. I wouldn't have my 3 wonderful children if I hadn't married so wouldn't change that.

Yes, no longer seeking - found ?
 
Well, I married long ago, when I was a full fledged developer in DOS FoxBase/Clipper.
She did not understand what the heck I keep banging on the keyboard. But know this is the way I earn, so no problem.

Now after so many years, she is my guiding light for app UI development. She uses more apps than I have on my phone, and knows UI better than me, who is still stuck in DOS ways.
 
Emotions, fear of responsibility, trusting issues, a traumatic past.
Many cases can delay marriage for some individuals based on there psychological reasons. I guess programming isn't a barrier for a person who wants to be married same case for any other job, actually a person with a full time job with a stable income got a higher chance to have a successful marriage. But its not guaranteed if you have a stable job and income to have a successful marriage.
Since emotions plays the first role in such relation. Although its based on what you are planning for your future before death. Either to create a successful family which is not easy specialy when you have a kids or end your chapter alone in this harsh life. Having a wife and kids is probably an instinct in any creature on this planet and the more you get aged without doing this part the more you will feel depressed and alone and trying to make excuses like ( i dont have time for marriage, programming eat my time, and so on.. )
But at the end you will relies the fact that you didn't got a chance to meet the right partner that help you build your unseen family. This is just a personal opinion.
 
Other opinion if you are a full time programmer & enjoyed with it, then marriage is a desire driven in human in most of cases (i think that), but when you get kids, situation will go more sophisticated. So stay single hahaha
 
There's a relation between "over 40", "(not) beeing married" and "beeing a developer"? ? ?

I'm working in a IT job for +35 years now and it was a job like any other (9 to 5ish plus some extra hours at the weekends from time to time). So I had money, time to meet girls, geting married, having two kids and many other things.

PS: You don't have to be married or have kids to be happy.
 
getadog.jpg
 
I think that "Marriage" is nothing to do.. with "programming"... or the job... generally
I am married about 16 years... have kids...

Married or Single... is a choice!

To be successful (not having money - but be happy) in this life with a partner you must have the following:
patience, sufferance, endurance
obedience...

those for two parts.. each other

but from the other side -- is just a choice --
 
I started to code when i was 17, 50 years ago. I married at 23, had my first doughter one exact year after. Now I have two doughters and one son. When I was 25 I got a college degree. When 27 I was IT manager in a 300 People company. When 29 I founded my first IT company. If I had not my wife supporting me, I think it couldn't be possibile. By the way, I was programmer in Panini stickers for 6 years. I think most of my Age men in the world have played with the stickers from Panini???
 
Hamied Abou Hulaikah said:
You are right, I'm always against this.
Click to expand...

Hard to keep that separated when both of those things run the majority of your life. I am 36 and not married, still single and no kids. So I am fastly approaching 40 myself. Its as much as a choice, as well as family trauma/PTSD unrelated to having a gf or being married, which has put me off from ever doing so. It is not from the lack of trying though, things ended between me and my ex-gf back in october. Who knows the real cause, probably both of our faults. a mix of her insecurity and my PTSD/trauma resulting into communication breakdown. I also have Aspergers which complicates things as well.

Biologically? the older I get, there is something inside me that keeps pushing being more and more driven into finding someone and starting a family. But at the same time, I have a lot of past trauma from my previous family life before moving out and being on my own that I am still healing over. Honestly, I dont think itll ever heal and its just scars I will deal with for the rest of my life most likely. I always told myself that "Oh, ill have time someday to start a family" but that time is rapidly running out, unless I want a gross age-gap then id be looking at adoption. I am the end of my immediate families blood-line too. Without me having kids, the family doesn't continue on. I have a brother but hes fully autistic non verbal.

But, I also know getting married/starting a family comes with its own set of drama, insanity and complications... And in the end, you still may end up dying alone! Double-edged sword.

Anyways... I have only been on my own for almost 8 years so I am just now getting to the point where I can finally decompress through all that insanity.
 
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Marrying is solving problems you would not have staying alone.
I'm almost 50 next month, married 22 years, one daughter, my wife is 9 years younger than me, electronics from profession, programming for fun and it's addictive, started with Runrev Livecode, than PHP and html and css and littlebit javascript, B4x and Flutter. Bits and pieces using for what I have as Idea to solve the puzzle. Just try to keep a balance, and a wife who understands and does not need you all the time next to her helps too :)
 
Guys.... Everything changes fast in the developer world....years ago you need it to dedicate all your time.... Now we have new tools.... Frameworks .... Even virtual servers with all, ready setup for $5 a month... The full stack!!!! Don't waste time reinventing the wheel... Just do it.. be productive and enjoy a live with your partner and family
 
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